demonicbookworm

Just to be sure.

[ which is a complete non-answer, he knows, but any other answer would have likely encouraged more worrying. he can feel Ruca holding him a little more tightly, so he manages to flash the other boy a smile, shaking his head. ]

Sorry, I’m not trying to scare you.

[Ruca nods.]

You'll... have to tell me what happened. You know that, right?

[Otherwise, he'll still worry.]

... If you promise me two things.

[ meeting Ruca’s eyes again, he searches for any signs of faltering despite not yet laying out his terms. Otonashi starts with the easiest: ]

One, you can’t let it get to you. Don’t despair over what’s already done.

[It... sounds so bad already. Ruca's brows are knit together.]

...And what's the second thing?

... Promise me you won’t try to take the blame.

[ reaching over to grab some of Ruca’s shirt by his shoulder, he can feel himself tensing, understanding the weight of his own request for someone like Ruca.

“when you say that it's not my fault, how am I supposed to not blame myself?” ]

You can’t try to make everything your fault.

[His expression is pained. What Otonashi is asking of him feels so unfair, because it suggest that something horrible happened. Ruca looks down at him, then away.

He can't lie. But then what should he do?

It takes him a lot of time to reply.]

...Fine. I promise.

[He says that with great effort.]

... Okay. I don’t believe you.

[ because he can’t, not with that agonized expression and that tense pause. Otonashi pushes against Ruca a little, trying to touch his own feet to the ground again. ]

Please, Ruca... Let me take the blame for my own stupidity. Sometimes, even though it sucks... it really comes down to that. I’m an idiot. I ask for stupid things and get surprised when people deliver. It’s my fault.

[And Ruca is just going to prevent him from doing it. Thank goodness he's stronger.]

But you're not alone. We live together so we're in this together, too. You don't have to be alone in everything. I am here for you if you ever need help. I can listen to your worries.

[He sighs.]

Please.

Edited 2020-07-06 08:22 (UTC)

We live together because you were nice enough to offer it to me... It’s not like I did any work for it or did anything to really deserve it.

[ he’s still tense in Ruca’s grasp, but Otonashi isn’t actively fighting against the grip anymore. if he really, really needed to get free, he might wait for an opportunity or feign calm to fake Ruca out, but...

it feels cruel, and it feels unnecessary to treat someone in such a way. he passively accepts his position as it is without agreeing with the need for it. ]

You don’t have to help me after I just... left you alone like that. [ when the dragon runes still burned in everyone and made them act in ways they wouldn’t, Otonashi had been absent.

after knowing the struggle of being left without answers, he had given the very same back tenfold. ]

[Ruca looks up ahead. The apartment is close.

He doesn't respond for the next moment.]

You offered me your knowledge, you were there for me when I needed someone close, you encouraged me, you helped me calm down. You're always so kind. Thanks to you, I don't feel so alone in this strange city.

[He looks down at Otonashi.]

I left you, but you didn't leave me. You found me on the beach, you helped me.

[He tilts his head a little.]

Do I really need any more reasons to care about you?

Ruca, I think anyone would’ve done the same thing... You’re giving me way too much credit here.

[ but, whether Otonashi agrees or not, the sentiment is undeniably kind of Ruca to offer. when the other teen glances down towards him, he looks away, the faintest hint of color dusted across his face.

he clears his throat, but manages a weak, sheepish smile. ]

But, ah, you know... You don’t really need to justify caring about anyone. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if more people just... did?

[ shutting people out and living only for oneself is easy, straightforward, completely devoid of complications or external vulnerability. letting someone in and extending kindness takes effort. it’s dangerous. ]

... I think that’s a pretty cool thing to say.

But nobody did, other than you.

[Tanjiro has done a lot for Ruca, too, but it was Otonashi who is always right next to him, supporting and kind.]

I know I can always rely on you... so I want to be someone you can rely on, too.

[He smiles a little, wishful.]

Yes... if everybody cared for each other, the world would be perfect.

[In here, Ruca encountered a lot of kindness, but his own world is torn with war, full of prejudice. It's far from kind, but maybe it can change with time.

At the last part, Ruca has to blush slightly. He doesn't say anything more.]

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