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[demonicbookworm]

Inbox

video ⬤ audio ⬤ text ⬤ delivery

Ruca Milda ⬤ Tales of Innocence
residential district ⬤ text
moonblessing ⬤ sanguis

info ⬤ permissions ⬤ overflow

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text

[ends]

heyy

signal ??/

[ his focus is difficult to maintain, but he’s trying. as he awaits a sign that his message has gone through successfully, he can feel a deepening pit in his stomach as it turns. why wouldn’t there be signal? why question it?

why does this feel so agonizingly familiar? ]

[demonicbookworm]

Otonashi? Did something happen?

[He sends a message back, worry gnawing at him. The text he got from Otonashi is so strange and he hasn't seen the other boy for a while now.]

[ends]

[ several minutes pass before he can settle on a reply.

"sorry?" too cryptic. it would incite fear and further questions without providing a shred of comfort.

"I've been through worse before, don't worry?" telling someone not to worry often has the reverse effect. Ruca knows he is dead, so this, too, would not be reassuring. it means there are pains he has felt from recent experience that many others may not, and while this may not be terrible, the metric is broad and possibly terrifying.

"nothing. just wanted to say hi?"

how innocent. he chokes a laugh at the thought as he erases the start of his message, the feeling wet in his chest. ]

i hope you like your dragon plush

[ ah. he didn't mean to send that one, either.

but it is earnest. truly, he hopes that such a small thing can bring comfort and happiness. ]

[demonicbookworm]

[He doesn't like how long it takes Otonashi to reply and his eyes widen at the message. It doesn't answer any questions and only adds to his worries.]

Hey, what happened? Where are you?

[He sends the reply instantly.

Otonashi, are you avoiding the answer?]

[ends]

[ no good. it was silly to think otherwise, but he had never meant to hit ‘send’ and shouldn’t have been so indecisive in the first place. it’s his blunder. ]

won’t be home for a bit. don’t wait up

[ the next message comes much more quickly than all the others; from the beginning, he knew it would be the most important one to establish, though the steps to do so without inciting worry were challenging. and really, they probably never would have been possible. but he had to try. ]

not your fault. not anyones

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca stares at the first message, then at the second one. What was Otonashi even thinking? That saying things like that would make Ruca worry less?]

Please, Otonashi, tell me what happened. Are you hurt? Lost?

[ends]

[ sending nothing may have been kinder, but the absence of any information can so easily twist and distort in a person’s head. giving the whole truth would be another sort of grim.

he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. ]

rRuca...

i didnt reach out for help
just. dont wait up. ok?

and not your fault
you blamed yourself before0
seem like the type to take blame for world hunger

[demonicbookworm]

When you say that it's not my fault, how am I supposed to not blame myself?

It's sounds like you're in trouble. How can I just stay here and do nothing?

[He can't. And nothing that Otonashi would say will make it better. He needs to know where the other is. He needs to know what is going on.]

[ends]

[ for a stretch of time afterwards, there is no reply, no feedback. again he cycles through possible answers, both stumbling over what he can say to dissolve the tension and struggling to come up with a reply at all.

hardly able to navigate his device without hitting buttons he doesn’t mean to, recording things he could never bear to send, he leaves only: ]

sorry ruca

youcan kick meout

post-August event; maybe Sept 2nd?

[ends]

[ Otonashi had only ever meant to visit a friend. a friend? maybe that was a little forward, but he wants to be friends, he intended to take the invitation and have a normal evening with the adolescent he’d saved.

but his interactions with Keigo seem to carry some sort of curse. he had set out, gotten drenched in an odd sort of rain, and crumbled under its effects. his breathing became staggered, excruciating, his body stopped responding. then, nothing. he’d felt nothing. familiar.

he could only observe in a distant way, tethered to his body but not well enough to occupy and maneuver it. instead, he tried to influence the surroundings he was in. tucking Ruca in. leaving small messages in dust. Otonashi became a spiritual concept of sorts, trying to provide bits of comfort where it could.

until finally, the feelings and thoughts that make up Otonashi Yuzuru return to the body they should have occupied. he startles awake abruptly, eyes wide and wild.

what? ]

o/

[demonicbookworm]

[The madness never ends in this place and after what happened to Otonashi (again), Ruca stayed as close to his friend as possible, watching over his unmoving form, pressing close in hopes that giving him chroma would wake him up. And he cried too.

He could feel Otonashi's presence and it was of some comfort to him, but ultimately he wished he could do something more than wait for a miracle.

Tired he fell asleep right next to Otonashi again and the other finally waking up doesn't stir him awake just yet. He's too exhausted for now.

And yet he murmurs softly in his sleep:]

Oto... nashi...

[ends]

[ hearing Ruca mutter his name, Otonashi attempts to sit up quickly and reach out, trying to provide the active contact he couldn’t for hours, days, weeks, however long had passed him by.

but he can’t. he blinks, and that much of him works. he tries moving his fingers, but only one of them functions, then two. he supposes this must be what a computer feels like when starting up for the first time after a period of disuse, lethargic and lagged. he tries to speak, but he can only form an idle, meaningless sort of noise.

he has to consciously tell himself to breathe, too, but he’s getting a little better, slowly. finally, he manages to reach over and brush Ruca’s bangs out of his eyes as the other teen sleeps.

I’m here. You must be so sick of this. ]

[demonicbookworm]

[The touch against his hair is what causes Ruca's eye to snap open. He quickly straightens, then smiles brightly seeing Otonashi awake and throws his arms around the other boy, hugging him close.]

You're awake! I'm so happy!

[He was so worried for the past days, so unsure what to do. But all of that is long forgotten now, when Otonashi is awake again.]

[ends]

-Ah...

[ he attempts to give an affirmative answer, voice dry and hoarse, but his speech still doesn’t quite turn out as intended. his grip on Ruca is weak, slow, and clumsy at first, but he tries, opting to sort of nuzzle into Ruca. Otonashi can do that much without trouble. ]

So...rry.

[ better, but it’s the same sort of answer he’d expect out of Ruca. ]

[demonicbookworm]

[He shakes his head, then pulls away just a little to look at Otonashi. One of his hands reaches to touch the other's cheek, brush the hair away from it.]

Don't apologize. You're okay now. That's what matters the most to me.

[And he smiles, bumping his forehead and nose to Otonashi's.]

[ends]

[ Ruca’s grateful expression and accompanying gestures of affection shouldn’t surprise him, but they do. Otonashi is certain his stare must look a little vacant, distant even, as he tries to work through his emotions with less proficiency than he’s used to. it takes him longer than he’d like to respond in earnest.

even so, he finds that his fears of being too vulnerable or not enough for the people around him are markedly absent. in the ways that expectation and obligation follow him, they just don’t seem to with Ruca. slowly (but no less earnestly), he leans back against Ruca’s forehead, sighing, shivering, and biting back the distant threat of tears.

he won’t allow himself to state so plainly that he’d been terrified, but his body language speaks for him well enough. ]

Keep doing this... I keep— [ he coughs dryly. ] —doing this.

[demonicbookworm]

[His smile grows a little more concerned as the time passes, but he tries to stay positive. He can tell that it was a scary experience and he can hardly find it surprising.

So Ruca keeps on stroking Otonashi's cheek and hair, fingers brushing gently.]

Shh. It's okay now. [His voice is quieter.] I... won't lie and say that I wasn't worried, but... it's in the past now.

[He bumps his nose again against Otonashi's. A small, fond gesture as he tries to keep his smile in place.]

Rest now, okay? Relax. And then I'll make you breakfast. You're probably hungry.

some nebulous time at the end of september i'm sorry for this entire everything

[zutsuki]

[The first message is a picture, blurry but still visibly Tanjiro with someone Ruca may or may not know as a one Milly Ashford. The second is less blurry, but more in-motion, a short video clip of Tanjiro folding himself like origami onto Milly's couch with a cup in his hand and a dumb grin on his face.]

Hi, Ruca! I hope it's not too late to be messaging you, I just wanted to say hi and I appreciate you and..., I think that was all, but. Hi, I appreciate you! [He's very white girl wasted please forgive him.]

no need to be sorry haha

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca is reading a book when he receives the message. The blurry picture makes him squint at first. He doesn't recognize the person that is with Tanjiro which just adds up to his confusion, but the clip that follows at least makes some things clear.

He's... definitely flattered that Tanjiro thinks like that about him, but that feeling is completely squashed by his concern.

So obviously he decides to write back as soon as possible.]

Tanjiro? Are you okay? Have you... drunk something?

[Please, don't tell him you're drunk.]

and by end of september i definitely meant end of august but it's fine

[zutsuki]

[He just sends back another video clip because he can't text well normally he sure as hell can't do it now. And..., sorry, Ruca, he can't lie about this, but also in part because he's less worried than he maybe ought to be.]

Yes! But don't worry, I'm okay. Milly knows what she's doing and she's looking after me. [He makes a thumbs up gesture that he about stabs himself in the eye with, but he's still grinning about it.]

/pat pat

[demonicbookworm]

Tanjiro, no! This is very worrying! You'll be suffering from headaches and nausea later! Please, don't drink any more.

Are you even old enough to drink?

[If he knew where Milly lived, he would be going there right now.]

Re: /pat pat

[zutsuki]

[A silly little laugh that sounds more foxlike than anything else, and he rolls into his back with his phone.]

I'll be okay, Milly won't let me get in too much trouble. And I dunno! I think the rules are different here.

[demonicbookworm]

But if you'll feel unwell or anything, please let me know!

[He is very not convinced.]

[zutsuki]

[He makes an OK symbol with one hand, looking through the circular space between his fingers.]

I'm sorry, you're all worried now. I'm okay I promise.

[demonicbookworm]

You're feeling well now. That's good. But I'm worried how you'll feel later or tomorrow.