demonicbookworm

What are you even talking about?

[He wipes his eyes and takes a few deep breathes before continuing.]

I-I'm crying because I'm happy that you're safe! And I'm not... it's not like that! You're important to me! I don't want anything to happen to you!

[They're roommates, study buddies! Isn't it natural to look out for each other?]

Edited 2020-07-03 20:19 (UTC)

Yeah, I know, but I left your house a mess... [ all the shredded papers, the poetry, the flowers that may well be dying now. ] I’ve caused you a lot of trouble. I think that’s all I’ve done for you.

[ left a mess, made Ruca cry, made him worry for days on end. made him feel responsible for Otonashi’s well-being, all after being unstable and shaken when he’d initially arrived.

and got him a few books, but that feels grossly lackluster and meaningless in comparison. even those had been little apologies for “running Ruca off.” ]

So... I’m really sorry. I should’ve kept all this to myself.

It's okay... I put everything in order and took care of the flowers.

[He wipes his eyes again.

He puts everything in order when he was searching for clues and he read some of the things Otonashi wrote. It was charming in a way.]

We're in this together, so please... let me help you, too.

You could’ve just left it for me, I would’ve dealt with it. [ his mess, his problem. finally, he switches to video, revealing a filthy, ragged-looking Otonashi, with clear stains of dried blood spilled down the front of his shirt and several holes torn in the fabric. ]

... I’m still going to be a while, so—I’ll be back, but don’t stay up all night waiting around. My legs are kind of... [ exhausted already. all of him is. ] ... Sorry. I made it out of the ruins , though. I can make it the rest of the way.

It's fine, don't worry about it...

[When Otonashi switches to video, Ruca's eyes widen. The damage, the stains of dried blood. The boy wants to ask what happened again, but then Otonashi tells him he made it out of the ruins.

Ruca is immediately going for the door.]

I'll be right there and help you!

But— Ruca, I’ll be home...

[ just, not immediately, not quickly. he suspects his insistence will not stop Ruca, but he has to at least make an attempt to not trouble the poor boy any further. ]

Just stay there! I'll be there as fast as possible!

[He won't take a no.]

Uh... I get the feeling you’re really not listening...

[ but neither is Otonashi, as he continues to slowly make his way home, so he supposes they’re more or less even. ]

You probably aren't listening either...

[He mutters that, before rushing full speed.

So when they meet each other, Ruca is already out of breath. He looks different, too - with doggy ears and a fluffy tail that sways back and forth, especially when he sees Otonashi.]

Let me help you...!

So? I’m a bad example. Maybe the worst one you could follow. Don’t be like me.

[ spoken quietly but fondly. shutting the video off in favor of using audio exclusively if he’s needed, he continues making his way in the vague direction of “home.” his body, healed as it is, bears the weight of exhaustion and notes of soreness, requiring him to stop frequently to reorient. it helps to pause and breathe, less because he’s out of breath and more to appreciate that he’s here, in a physical space rather than locked away from reality.

he’s sitting on his knees when Ruca catches up with him, and he looks like he truly could fall asleep just as he is. ]

You know, you say that like you’d give me the choice.

Edited 2020-07-04 13:38 (UTC)

[After taking a deep breath, Ruca makes his way to Otonashi and offers his hand to help him up.]

I wouldn't. I'm helping you no matter what.

[He frowns, seeing the damage but feels relieved when he realizes that Otonashi isn't actually hurt.]

You need rest. And I'll make you something to eat.

[ most of the damage left behind on his clothing looks to be little more than scratches and wrinkles, hardly definitive signs of a deadly scenario. there are a few larger impact tears towards the center of his body, and the bottom of his shirt, blazer, and part of his waistband is torn free of the right side, with concentrated stains of dried blood radiating outward. his skin shows no damage, but something had clearly happened both in that spot and on the opposite side of his chest, where another dried pool of blood had settled.

taking a deep breath, Otonashi hesitates to take Ruca’s hand at first, considering forcing himself to stand on his own, but he ultimately thinks better of it and takes the other teen’s hand. ]

No... Don’t do that, I’ve troubled you enough. I’ll buy a snack if I really need it. [ he certainly has the extra chroma for it now. ] ... Uh, did you—are you alright?

[He pulls Otonashi up, then leans him against his shoulder and starts slowly moving back home. The warmth of the body against his, the fact that Otonashi really is fine (just exhausted), makes a new wave of tears appear in Ruca's eyes.]

It's no trouble, really. [If Otonashi refuses, Ruca will just make extra large portion for himself and tell him he can't eat it alone. That seems like a good plan.

He blinks a few times to get rid of the tears.]

I'm fine. Just... really happy that you're back.

[He smiles and leans a little towards Otonashi.]

[ he stumbles a little on the way up, but Otonashi settles against Ruca’s shoulder and holds his pants against his hip with his free hand. certainly, the act of balancing himself and maintaining appropriate cover had slowed him down.

if he had waited for his focus to be better to repair his own clothing, then maybe the journey back would have been easier. but, in exchange, he would have been gone longer. another instance of damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. turning to look over at Ruca, Otonashi catches the sight of tears in his peripheral vision just before the other teen blinks them away—

ah. ]

Ruca..?

[Maybe it would've been easier if Ruca carried Otonashi instead. But the boy keeps his pace slow and easy, mindful of how exhausted the other may be.

When Otonashi calls his name, Ruca blinks again.]

Hm? I'm okay, really. I'm fine now.

[He blinks a few more times. No crying. He can't cry now.]

But... you weren’t. [ he looks aside, nearly losing his footing when he does. he can’t honestly expect Ruca to have just forgotten and not worried at all, considering everything Otonashi had put him through by making contact.

not for the first time, he questions his decision to alert anyone of his status. something about it had just felt correct, though the results hardly match. ]

I’m sorry I put you through that, Ruca.

[ next time, if there is one, he will choose silence. ] I’ll clean the house for a week, or... buy you anything you want. Whatever sounds good, we can do. Doesn’t matter how expensive.

Edited 2020-07-04 15:34 (UTC)

[Ruca shakes his head.]

No... Don't be. At least you managed to contact me. If you didn't, I would've worried even more. But thanks to your message I knew you were somewhere out there... and that you're alive.

[If Otonashi vanished without a trace, it would've been a real nightmare for Ruca.]

I won't be asking any questions for now. Let's just get home first... okay?

[He breaths in and out, then forces a laugh.]

What are you saying? I don't need anything. You're back, you're safe. I don't want anything else.

[He frowns when he realizes what the "no matter how expensive" part implies.]

Don't sacrifice yourself just to buy me something, please. Just... stay safe. That's really all I need.

I’m saying I want to make it up to you.

[ Ruca asks so little of him as it is, Otonashi owes him at least basic decency and some gesture of apology for the lost sleep, the crushing worry, and even the trouble in helping him return home. ]

Seriously..? Being back is hardly making it up to you. I traded the smell of flowers for this stench, so if anything I’m even more annoying than I was before, right?

[ it may not sound like it since it leans so heavily into self-depreciation, but he is trying to joke. ]

Let me worry about prices. I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t already have it on me.

[ the confession comes a little too easily, quickly leaving his lips and slowing his step. ]

[He sighs, but then again, Ruca knows how Otonashi is feeling. They're just the same in that regard.]

Then go to the library with me? So we can study together.

[He really doesn't want much.]

And don't worry. You'll get cleaned and everything will be better.

[He's not that bothered by the smell. At least it's not the stench of decaying corpse.

The next part makes his eyes widen and something sinks in his stomach. His grip tightens for a moment. His mind goes straight to the worse conclusion possible, but he quickly drives those thoughts away, glancing at Otonashi.

In the end, Ruca decides that he shouldn't be asking or thinking about it. It's a personal matter and he knows that people around here are pretty casual about being intimate with each other.]

You really don't have to buy me anything. You've already got me so many things.

I was going to do that anyway, that’s why... [ that had been the reason for choosing a couple of books to read over as a sort of apology for being needy, smelling strongly of varying flowers and other aromas, writing and rewriting statements of adoration and humming and singing tunes to go with them. he must have been utterly frustrating to live adjacent to.

so he had apologized then, and he had arranged for other little gifts of apology to go along with: the dragon plush, the stack of anatomy and physiology books. when he had time, he’d tried.

and then, altogether too quickly, he found that didn’t have time anymore. he didn’t have claim to anything but the ache he’d caused those he’d left behind, and the guilt he’d passed on to the person he had saved. still, it was right, it had to be. it was the only acceptable outcome. ]

... No, Ruca, I— [ the way he speaks about little things being enough, or Otonashi’s presence being this gift that it just isn’t—it rings familiar. ] I really haven’t. What about... What about a bigger place, so you could have your own study? Does that sound nice?

[ he wouldn’t offer if he didn’t have the means. ]

[Ruca chews on his lower lip, remembering Mai's message.

"Maybe somebody picked him up."

It rings in his brain now, especially with how easily Otonashi talks about moving to a bigger place, getting him more things. Ruca shakes his head.]

I don't need any of that. I'm fine with the current apartment, I don't need gifts or apologies. I just want to be with you.

[He doesn't know if his words are making any sense. The thought that someone would do something horrible to Otonashi or that Otonashi would allow something to happen to himself for some odd reason strikes him heavily.]

[ peering over at Ruca as the other teen chews on his lip, he tilts his head a little, silently questioning. ]

... You really are the type of person to be happy with anything, aren’t you. [ the sentiment is phrased as a statement rather than an earnest inquiry. Otonashi could return with nothing, or gift Ruca literal garbage, and yet he’s certain that the white-haired teen would find a way to see the best in it. ]

You’re just the same way she always was. My sister. [ any gift, no matter how small or thoughtless, was always treated as nothing short of a treasure. ] I think... I think that’s why I’m insisting. It would mean a lot to me, if... you’d let me do something.

Edited 2020-07-04 17:44 (UTC)

Intentions are what matters the most, right? So the gift itself isn't that important.

[He inhales slowly, then exhales somewhat heavily.]

We... can talk about this later, okay? For now let's just get back home.

Hah...

[ rolling his shoulder to work out some of the tension, he pulls back a little from Ruca as he winces. ] Sh— ow, wait, wait...

[ Otonashi forces a dry laugh. ] Sorry, I told you I’d be slow... You should’ve just waited for me to come to you.

No, it's fine!

[He looks at Otonashi with worry.]

Maybe I should carry you instead?

[Yes, he's not listening again.]

Edited 2020-07-04 19:57 (UTC)

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oh right, video —> action

Action!

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