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[demonicbookworm]

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video ⬤ audio ⬤ text ⬤ delivery

Ruca Milda ⬤ Tales of Innocence
residential district ⬤ text
moonblessing ⬤ sanguis

info ⬤ permissions ⬤ overflow

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[demonicbookworm]

[that makes his face go bright red and he looks away. He never stops walking though.]

C-cute?! I-I'm not...

[Why can't he be cool for once? Why is it always cute. His ears flatten a little.]

[ends]

I can’t tell if you’re saying that because you’re embarrassed, or if you’re saying it because you don’t like the changes, or that it’s me saying it...

[ it could feasibly be any of the above, so he fixes Ruca’s ear back into place. ]

Don’t worry about it, I’ll keep my comments to a minimum.

[demonicbookworm]

[His ear twitches lightly.]

It's... just that I want to be cool, not cute.

[He glances at Otonashi.]

Everybody seems to see me as a child.

[That's why they call him cute, right?]

[ends]

... Ah? [ of all the other responses he might have expected, that was, again, not one of them. he meets Ruca’s eyes for a moment, scratching idly at his own cheek in thought. ]

I mean, I said it because you were being cranky and have these dog ears on top of it. And I think you’re... I don’t know, pretty pure? Innocent?

[ which is kinder than saying inexperienced, he thinks, though both feel true, at least in a social context. clearly Ruca has seen battle if he carries weaponry around. ]

But you came all the way out here to help me get home, and you invited me into your home on kind of a leap of faith. I mean, I could’ve been a real jerk to you, and you still gave me a chance.

[ Otonashi shoots the other teen a smile, mussing his bangs a little, the motion playful. ]

That’s pretty much the coolest thing you could do for someone. I don’t know if that’s the kind of cool you were hoping for, but...

[demonicbookworm]

[He has to blush some more.]

I'm really not... not much anyway.

[He would argue that having a previous life gave him a lot of various memories. Yet none of them are his experiences, so Otonashi is not wrong at all.]

...You're just saying that because you want me to feel better.

[He doesn't mind the playful musing of his hair, but he still lets yet another sigh.]

And the ears, and my attitude are caused by Sanguis moon.

[ends]

No, I’m saying that because I know how hard it is.

[ keeping his gaze trained on Ruca, he crosses one of his arms over his chest defensively. ]

Ignoring people and locking everyone out is the safe thing to do. A life lived only for yourself is the easiest way to be. Nothing can hurt you if you don’t care about anything.

[ he can file away the information about the moon-related changes for later; useful, but not important in the moment. ] So you can blow me off if you want, that’s up to you. But I’m speaking from experience.

[demonicbookworm]

[That hits him. Ruca frowns slightly, remembering his past, before he met Iria and the others.]

I was just like that, too. I... would lock myself up in my room, staying away even from my parents.

[Then everything changed. He met his friends, discovered his lost memories, run away from army. So much has happened.]

I don't want to be like that ever again.

[ends]

... See? And now you want to be a doctor. You’re going to get out of here, and you’re going to do it.

[ his expression softens, his smile bright—but edged out with a quiet melancholy he can’t completely suppress. ]

I think... that’s pretty damn cool.

[demonicbookworm]

[He blushes, unsure what to do with all the praise.]

...I think you're exaggerating but... thank you.

[for calling him cool.]

[ends]

You can think whatever you want. Just remember what I said.

[ fixing Ruca’s hair just as he’d fixed his little dog ear, Otonashi folds both his hands and settles them over his stomach. ]

And remember what you said, too. About not being like that ever again.

[ he moves to open his mouth to say something more, but seems to think better of it and looks away with an uneasy shift. ]

[demonicbookworm]

I will... don't worry about that.

[He notices that Otonashi wanted to say something else, but he doesn't pry. They can get all the time to talk later, when they finally reach home.]

[ends]

[ several minutes pass before he finally gathers both the courage and orientation to finally ask the question that had been nagging at him from the moment he laid eyes upon Ruca. the other teen speaking freely about some of his background and his current feelings had hushed his question, but in the absence of chaos and high emotions, the redhead looks out at the world as they move through it rather than facing Ruca directly. ]

... This is real, right? You? What we’re doing right now, it’s... real?

[demonicbookworm]

[When he hears Otonashi says that, he can't help but wonder yet again about what happened to his roommate.]

It's all real, I promise.

[ends]

[ going silent again, Otonashi goes between staring at his own folded hands, to staring at Ruca, to looking around again. his expression shifts, cycling through a range of troubled looks before finally settling on a quiet sort of acceptance. ]

And you can’t feel what I’m thinking. [ a pause as he worries, fidgeting with his hands, and then: ] Right?

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca feels completely lost, but he responds quickly:]

I can't.

[Deep concern shows on his face and brings Otonashi a little closer to himself.]

...Why are you asking?

[ends]

Just to be sure.

[ which is a complete non-answer, he knows, but any other answer would have likely encouraged more worrying. he can feel Ruca holding him a little more tightly, so he manages to flash the other boy a smile, shaking his head. ]

Sorry, I’m not trying to scare you.

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca nods.]

You'll... have to tell me what happened. You know that, right?

[Otherwise, he'll still worry.]

[ends]

... If you promise me two things.

[ meeting Ruca’s eyes again, he searches for any signs of faltering despite not yet laying out his terms. Otonashi starts with the easiest: ]

One, you can’t let it get to you. Don’t despair over what’s already done.

[demonicbookworm]

[It... sounds so bad already. Ruca's brows are knit together.]

...And what's the second thing?

[ends]

... Promise me you won’t try to take the blame.

[ reaching over to grab some of Ruca’s shirt by his shoulder, he can feel himself tensing, understanding the weight of his own request for someone like Ruca.

“when you say that it's not my fault, how am I supposed to not blame myself?” ]

You can’t try to make everything your fault.

[demonicbookworm]

[His expression is pained. What Otonashi is asking of him feels so unfair, because it suggest that something horrible happened. Ruca looks down at him, then away.

He can't lie. But then what should he do?

It takes him a lot of time to reply.]

...Fine. I promise.

[He says that with great effort.]

[ends]

... Okay. I don’t believe you.

[ because he can’t, not with that agonized expression and that tense pause. Otonashi pushes against Ruca a little, trying to touch his own feet to the ground again. ]

Please, Ruca... Let me take the blame for my own stupidity. Sometimes, even though it sucks... it really comes down to that. I’m an idiot. I ask for stupid things and get surprised when people deliver. It’s my fault.

[demonicbookworm]

[And Ruca is just going to prevent him from doing it. Thank goodness he's stronger.]

But you're not alone. We live together so we're in this together, too. You don't have to be alone in everything. I am here for you if you ever need help. I can listen to your worries.

[He sighs.]

Please.

[ends]

We live together because you were nice enough to offer it to me... It’s not like I did any work for it or did anything to really deserve it.

[ he’s still tense in Ruca’s grasp, but Otonashi isn’t actively fighting against the grip anymore. if he really, really needed to get free, he might wait for an opportunity or feign calm to fake Ruca out, but...

it feels cruel, and it feels unnecessary to treat someone in such a way. he passively accepts his position as it is without agreeing with the need for it. ]

You don’t have to help me after I just... left you alone like that. [ when the dragon runes still burned in everyone and made them act in ways they wouldn’t, Otonashi had been absent.

after knowing the struggle of being left without answers, he had given the very same back tenfold. ]

[demonicbookworm]

[Ruca looks up ahead. The apartment is close.

He doesn't respond for the next moment.]

You offered me your knowledge, you were there for me when I needed someone close, you encouraged me, you helped me calm down. You're always so kind. Thanks to you, I don't feel so alone in this strange city.

[He looks down at Otonashi.]

I left you, but you didn't leave me. You found me on the beach, you helped me.

[He tilts his head a little.]

Do I really need any more reasons to care about you?