demonicbookworm

[Ruca shakes his head.]

No... Don't be. At least you managed to contact me. If you didn't, I would've worried even more. But thanks to your message I knew you were somewhere out there... and that you're alive.

[If Otonashi vanished without a trace, it would've been a real nightmare for Ruca.]

I won't be asking any questions for now. Let's just get home first... okay?

[He breaths in and out, then forces a laugh.]

What are you saying? I don't need anything. You're back, you're safe. I don't want anything else.

[He frowns when he realizes what the "no matter how expensive" part implies.]

Don't sacrifice yourself just to buy me something, please. Just... stay safe. That's really all I need.

I’m saying I want to make it up to you.

[ Ruca asks so little of him as it is, Otonashi owes him at least basic decency and some gesture of apology for the lost sleep, the crushing worry, and even the trouble in helping him return home. ]

Seriously..? Being back is hardly making it up to you. I traded the smell of flowers for this stench, so if anything I’m even more annoying than I was before, right?

[ it may not sound like it since it leans so heavily into self-depreciation, but he is trying to joke. ]

Let me worry about prices. I wouldn’t offer it if I didn’t already have it on me.

[ the confession comes a little too easily, quickly leaving his lips and slowing his step. ]

[He sighs, but then again, Ruca knows how Otonashi is feeling. They're just the same in that regard.]

Then go to the library with me? So we can study together.

[He really doesn't want much.]

And don't worry. You'll get cleaned and everything will be better.

[He's not that bothered by the smell. At least it's not the stench of decaying corpse.

The next part makes his eyes widen and something sinks in his stomach. His grip tightens for a moment. His mind goes straight to the worse conclusion possible, but he quickly drives those thoughts away, glancing at Otonashi.

In the end, Ruca decides that he shouldn't be asking or thinking about it. It's a personal matter and he knows that people around here are pretty casual about being intimate with each other.]

You really don't have to buy me anything. You've already got me so many things.

I was going to do that anyway, that’s why... [ that had been the reason for choosing a couple of books to read over as a sort of apology for being needy, smelling strongly of varying flowers and other aromas, writing and rewriting statements of adoration and humming and singing tunes to go with them. he must have been utterly frustrating to live adjacent to.

so he had apologized then, and he had arranged for other little gifts of apology to go along with: the dragon plush, the stack of anatomy and physiology books. when he had time, he’d tried.

and then, altogether too quickly, he found that didn’t have time anymore. he didn’t have claim to anything but the ache he’d caused those he’d left behind, and the guilt he’d passed on to the person he had saved. still, it was right, it had to be. it was the only acceptable outcome. ]

... No, Ruca, I— [ the way he speaks about little things being enough, or Otonashi’s presence being this gift that it just isn’t—it rings familiar. ] I really haven’t. What about... What about a bigger place, so you could have your own study? Does that sound nice?

[ he wouldn’t offer if he didn’t have the means. ]

[Ruca chews on his lower lip, remembering Mai's message.

"Maybe somebody picked him up."

It rings in his brain now, especially with how easily Otonashi talks about moving to a bigger place, getting him more things. Ruca shakes his head.]

I don't need any of that. I'm fine with the current apartment, I don't need gifts or apologies. I just want to be with you.

[He doesn't know if his words are making any sense. The thought that someone would do something horrible to Otonashi or that Otonashi would allow something to happen to himself for some odd reason strikes him heavily.]

[ peering over at Ruca as the other teen chews on his lip, he tilts his head a little, silently questioning. ]

... You really are the type of person to be happy with anything, aren’t you. [ the sentiment is phrased as a statement rather than an earnest inquiry. Otonashi could return with nothing, or gift Ruca literal garbage, and yet he’s certain that the white-haired teen would find a way to see the best in it. ]

You’re just the same way she always was. My sister. [ any gift, no matter how small or thoughtless, was always treated as nothing short of a treasure. ] I think... I think that’s why I’m insisting. It would mean a lot to me, if... you’d let me do something.

Edited 2020-07-04 17:44 (UTC)

Intentions are what matters the most, right? So the gift itself isn't that important.

[He inhales slowly, then exhales somewhat heavily.]

We... can talk about this later, okay? For now let's just get back home.

Hah...

[ rolling his shoulder to work out some of the tension, he pulls back a little from Ruca as he winces. ] Sh— ow, wait, wait...

[ Otonashi forces a dry laugh. ] Sorry, I told you I’d be slow... You should’ve just waited for me to come to you.

No, it's fine!

[He looks at Otonashi with worry.]

Maybe I should carry you instead?

[Yes, he's not listening again.]

Edited 2020-07-04 19:57 (UTC)

... What? Ruca, uh, the “tend-and-befriend” systemic response to stress doesn’t last forever. I don’t know if you’ve still got all that adrenaline in you to carry me.

[ because that’s clearly the issue here. ]

I’m just a little sore, so I was taking a break once in a while. I probably should’ve talked to you when I was closer to home.

Ah, but... I'm stronger than an average person. I should be fine carrying you.

[He is a reincarnation of a god!]

And no. I'm glad you called when you did.

You’d say that even if you weren’t, because you’re too nice.

[ hypocrite, who’s that? ]

I smell like dusty old medical waste, you wouldn’t want me in your arms. Or even this close to you.

[Ruca stands in front of Otonashi, then turns around and crouches.]

Hop onto my back.

[He's getting a little irritated now (thanks Sanguis), so he just makes it sound like Otonashi doesn't have any other choice.]

[ Otonashi thinks he may have heard a shred of frustration, so he forces himself to move closer to Ruca—

only to tap him on the shoulder and continue trying to move forward on his own, a slight limp evident. ]

I know you’re eager to be home, I’ll pick up the pace.

[He pouts, then moves towards Otonashi and with a frown on his face, he scoops him up into his arms.]

...I didn't want to do it this way, but you're giving me no other choice.

[He's sorry for this, but Otonashi is not feeling well, so Ruca will carry him no matter if the other likes it or not!]

[ he expects some mild protest, maybe a complaint or insistence that he should be taking it easier or going slow. these all seem like things that Ruca might do.

he does not expect to be lifted off the ground and held in Ruca’s arms, and he’s quick to squirm and shake his head. ]

How am I not giving you another choice?! I said I’d pick up the pace! What, do you want me to sprint..?!

No, I want you to think about yourself.

[He's glaring a little that looks more adorable than anything else, combined with his dog ears.]

You need rest, so leave getting us home to me.

I was thinking about you. But since you’ve decided you’d be fine smelling like hot garbage, and you’re so determined that yeah, this is the thing to be stubborn about...

[ he could put up more of a fight than that, but Ruca’s glare surprisingly works to the other teen’s benefit in this case.

probably not for the reason he intended, though. ]

You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that? [ with a frustrated huff, he flips one of those puppy ears with the back of his hand. ] ... I like your ears.

[that makes his face go bright red and he looks away. He never stops walking though.]

C-cute?! I-I'm not...

[Why can't he be cool for once? Why is it always cute. His ears flatten a little.]

I can’t tell if you’re saying that because you’re embarrassed, or if you’re saying it because you don’t like the changes, or that it’s me saying it...

[ it could feasibly be any of the above, so he fixes Ruca’s ear back into place. ]

Don’t worry about it, I’ll keep my comments to a minimum.

[His ear twitches lightly.]

It's... just that I want to be cool, not cute.

[He glances at Otonashi.]

Everybody seems to see me as a child.

[That's why they call him cute, right?]

... Ah? [ of all the other responses he might have expected, that was, again, not one of them. he meets Ruca’s eyes for a moment, scratching idly at his own cheek in thought. ]

I mean, I said it because you were being cranky and have these dog ears on top of it. And I think you’re... I don’t know, pretty pure? Innocent?

[ which is kinder than saying inexperienced, he thinks, though both feel true, at least in a social context. clearly Ruca has seen battle if he carries weaponry around. ]

But you came all the way out here to help me get home, and you invited me into your home on kind of a leap of faith. I mean, I could’ve been a real jerk to you, and you still gave me a chance.

[ Otonashi shoots the other teen a smile, mussing his bangs a little, the motion playful. ]

That’s pretty much the coolest thing you could do for someone. I don’t know if that’s the kind of cool you were hoping for, but...

[He has to blush some more.]

I'm really not... not much anyway.

[He would argue that having a previous life gave him a lot of various memories. Yet none of them are his experiences, so Otonashi is not wrong at all.]

...You're just saying that because you want me to feel better.

[He doesn't mind the playful musing of his hair, but he still lets yet another sigh.]

And the ears, and my attitude are caused by Sanguis moon.

No, I’m saying that because I know how hard it is.

[ keeping his gaze trained on Ruca, he crosses one of his arms over his chest defensively. ]

Ignoring people and locking everyone out is the safe thing to do. A life lived only for yourself is the easiest way to be. Nothing can hurt you if you don’t care about anything.

[ he can file away the information about the moon-related changes for later; useful, but not important in the moment. ] So you can blow me off if you want, that’s up to you. But I’m speaking from experience.

[That hits him. Ruca frowns slightly, remembering his past, before he met Iria and the others.]

I was just like that, too. I... would lock myself up in my room, staying away even from my parents.

[Then everything changed. He met his friends, discovered his lost memories, run away from army. So much has happened.]

I don't want to be like that ever again.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject