demonicbookworm

[Ruca stares at the first message, then at the second one. What was Otonashi even thinking? That saying things like that would make Ruca worry less?]

Please, Otonashi, tell me what happened. Are you hurt? Lost?

[ sending nothing may have been kinder, but the absence of any information can so easily twist and distort in a person’s head. giving the whole truth would be another sort of grim.

he’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. ]

rRuca...

i didnt reach out for help
just. dont wait up. ok?

and not your fault
you blamed yourself before0
seem like the type to take blame for world hunger

Edited 2020-07-02 01:30 (UTC)

When you say that it's not my fault, how am I supposed to not blame myself?

It's sounds like you're in trouble. How can I just stay here and do nothing?

[He can't. And nothing that Otonashi would say will make it better. He needs to know where the other is. He needs to know what is going on.]

[ for a stretch of time afterwards, there is no reply, no feedback. again he cycles through possible answers, both stumbling over what he can say to dissolve the tension and struggling to come up with a reply at all.

hardly able to navigate his device without hitting buttons he doesn’t mean to, recording things he could never bear to send, he leaves only: ]

sorry ruca

youcan kick meout

I'm not going to do that.

I just want you to be safe.

[He's already running out of the apartment, into the streets. The last place Otonashi was at was probably the excavation site, so that will be the first place Ruca is going to head to.

His insides turn from worry.

Please, be safe, Otonashi!]

[ for over 72 hours, there is no response from Otonashi. searches turn up nothing, as if he had completely vanished from the world itself. no amount of tracing turns up any indication that Otonashi had been in any of his typical locations or even in the ruins when the original messages were going out. it had been a clean disappearance.

dragging himself most of the way out of the ruins by himself, he stumbles, noting the quiet of the earth. the quakes must have calmed. although he is healed, the whole of him feels exhausted, and he hesitates still before he can bring himself to review his messages—his failures—target at Ruca.

he considers saying nothing, but that feels even more cruel, so he dismisses the thought. this is his problem to own.

text feels too impersonal, but video too—frightening, he could imagine. he must look terrible. so he settles on a call. ]

... Ruca. Hey. You don’t have to answer me or do anything. I’m fine. I’m sorry.

[At this point, Ruca is just a mess of emotion - he's angry at himself, frustrated that he can't find Otonashi no matter how much he tries and he occasionally breaks into tears. He hasn't slept or eaten much, he's exhausted and sick with worry.

Suddenly, there's a call. Ruca picks up without a second of delay. His eyes widen and before he knows, tears start rolling down his cheeks.]

O-Otonashi... You're safe? W-where are you? [He responds while sobbing, but he has no time to calm down. He needs to know now.]

Ruca... [ of course the other teen would crack under something like this, each sob coming through cutting deeply, each gash as deserved as the last. Otonashi has nobody to blame but himself for it. ]

I ... shouldn’t have said anything to anyone. I don’t know why I thought— [ why he had to try calling for help, knowing it was pointless. why he had to check for signal. he shakes his head, though it goes unseen. ] I’m really not your problem. I told you, I never should have let you try to take responsibility for me. You’ve got a really good heart, you know that..?

What are you even talking about?

[He wipes his eyes and takes a few deep breathes before continuing.]

I-I'm crying because I'm happy that you're safe! And I'm not... it's not like that! You're important to me! I don't want anything to happen to you!

[They're roommates, study buddies! Isn't it natural to look out for each other?]

Edited 2020-07-03 20:19 (UTC)

Yeah, I know, but I left your house a mess... [ all the shredded papers, the poetry, the flowers that may well be dying now. ] I’ve caused you a lot of trouble. I think that’s all I’ve done for you.

[ left a mess, made Ruca cry, made him worry for days on end. made him feel responsible for Otonashi’s well-being, all after being unstable and shaken when he’d initially arrived.

and got him a few books, but that feels grossly lackluster and meaningless in comparison. even those had been little apologies for “running Ruca off.” ]

So... I’m really sorry. I should’ve kept all this to myself.

It's okay... I put everything in order and took care of the flowers.

[He wipes his eyes again.

He puts everything in order when he was searching for clues and he read some of the things Otonashi wrote. It was charming in a way.]

We're in this together, so please... let me help you, too.

You could’ve just left it for me, I would’ve dealt with it. [ his mess, his problem. finally, he switches to video, revealing a filthy, ragged-looking Otonashi, with clear stains of dried blood spilled down the front of his shirt and several holes torn in the fabric. ]

... I’m still going to be a while, so—I’ll be back, but don’t stay up all night waiting around. My legs are kind of... [ exhausted already. all of him is. ] ... Sorry. I made it out of the ruins , though. I can make it the rest of the way.

It's fine, don't worry about it...

[When Otonashi switches to video, Ruca's eyes widen. The damage, the stains of dried blood. The boy wants to ask what happened again, but then Otonashi tells him he made it out of the ruins.

Ruca is immediately going for the door.]

I'll be right there and help you!

But— Ruca, I’ll be home...

[ just, not immediately, not quickly. he suspects his insistence will not stop Ruca, but he has to at least make an attempt to not trouble the poor boy any further. ]

Just stay there! I'll be there as fast as possible!

[He won't take a no.]

Uh... I get the feeling you’re really not listening...

[ but neither is Otonashi, as he continues to slowly make his way home, so he supposes they’re more or less even. ]

You probably aren't listening either...

[He mutters that, before rushing full speed.

So when they meet each other, Ruca is already out of breath. He looks different, too - with doggy ears and a fluffy tail that sways back and forth, especially when he sees Otonashi.]

Let me help you...!

So? I’m a bad example. Maybe the worst one you could follow. Don’t be like me.

[ spoken quietly but fondly. shutting the video off in favor of using audio exclusively if he’s needed, he continues making his way in the vague direction of “home.” his body, healed as it is, bears the weight of exhaustion and notes of soreness, requiring him to stop frequently to reorient. it helps to pause and breathe, less because he’s out of breath and more to appreciate that he’s here, in a physical space rather than locked away from reality.

he’s sitting on his knees when Ruca catches up with him, and he looks like he truly could fall asleep just as he is. ]

You know, you say that like you’d give me the choice.

Edited 2020-07-04 13:38 (UTC)

[After taking a deep breath, Ruca makes his way to Otonashi and offers his hand to help him up.]

I wouldn't. I'm helping you no matter what.

[He frowns, seeing the damage but feels relieved when he realizes that Otonashi isn't actually hurt.]

You need rest. And I'll make you something to eat.

[ most of the damage left behind on his clothing looks to be little more than scratches and wrinkles, hardly definitive signs of a deadly scenario. there are a few larger impact tears towards the center of his body, and the bottom of his shirt, blazer, and part of his waistband is torn free of the right side, with concentrated stains of dried blood radiating outward. his skin shows no damage, but something had clearly happened both in that spot and on the opposite side of his chest, where another dried pool of blood had settled.

taking a deep breath, Otonashi hesitates to take Ruca’s hand at first, considering forcing himself to stand on his own, but he ultimately thinks better of it and takes the other teen’s hand. ]

No... Don’t do that, I’ve troubled you enough. I’ll buy a snack if I really need it. [ he certainly has the extra chroma for it now. ] ... Uh, did you—are you alright?

[He pulls Otonashi up, then leans him against his shoulder and starts slowly moving back home. The warmth of the body against his, the fact that Otonashi really is fine (just exhausted), makes a new wave of tears appear in Ruca's eyes.]

It's no trouble, really. [If Otonashi refuses, Ruca will just make extra large portion for himself and tell him he can't eat it alone. That seems like a good plan.

He blinks a few times to get rid of the tears.]

I'm fine. Just... really happy that you're back.

[He smiles and leans a little towards Otonashi.]

[ he stumbles a little on the way up, but Otonashi settles against Ruca’s shoulder and holds his pants against his hip with his free hand. certainly, the act of balancing himself and maintaining appropriate cover had slowed him down.

if he had waited for his focus to be better to repair his own clothing, then maybe the journey back would have been easier. but, in exchange, he would have been gone longer. another instance of damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. turning to look over at Ruca, Otonashi catches the sight of tears in his peripheral vision just before the other teen blinks them away—

ah. ]

Ruca..?

[Maybe it would've been easier if Ruca carried Otonashi instead. But the boy keeps his pace slow and easy, mindful of how exhausted the other may be.

When Otonashi calls his name, Ruca blinks again.]

Hm? I'm okay, really. I'm fine now.

[He blinks a few more times. No crying. He can't cry now.]

But... you weren’t. [ he looks aside, nearly losing his footing when he does. he can’t honestly expect Ruca to have just forgotten and not worried at all, considering everything Otonashi had put him through by making contact.

not for the first time, he questions his decision to alert anyone of his status. something about it had just felt correct, though the results hardly match. ]

I’m sorry I put you through that, Ruca.

[ next time, if there is one, he will choose silence. ] I’ll clean the house for a week, or... buy you anything you want. Whatever sounds good, we can do. Doesn’t matter how expensive.

Edited 2020-07-04 15:34 (UTC)

[Ruca shakes his head.]

No... Don't be. At least you managed to contact me. If you didn't, I would've worried even more. But thanks to your message I knew you were somewhere out there... and that you're alive.

[If Otonashi vanished without a trace, it would've been a real nightmare for Ruca.]

I won't be asking any questions for now. Let's just get home first... okay?

[He breaths in and out, then forces a laugh.]

What are you saying? I don't need anything. You're back, you're safe. I don't want anything else.

[He frowns when he realizes what the "no matter how expensive" part implies.]

Don't sacrifice yourself just to buy me something, please. Just... stay safe. That's really all I need.

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july 3rd;

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oh right, video —> action

Action!

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